I realized today that even if you’re truly convinced that you’re doing you’re best with everyone, you still will be surprised hearing what people have to say about you. I never thought, not for one second, that I’m flawless, but I always tried to be a good person. Of course, I had moment in my life where I overreacted, behaved like a child, and let some feelings overcome me, but overall, I still consider myself a nice friend. Hearing what someone said about me really hurt my feeling. And I’m not here to state what a horrible friend this person is, I just genuinly want to reflect on how even little things you do can have such a big negative effect on others. I know it’s not possible for everyone to like me, having different point of views and opinions it’s totally normal and it will happen with hundreds of people in my life; I have to get over it. I just wish I could look back and say “I did all I could do, I honestly think I acted in the best way I could, and if this person still think I was mean, it’s not my problem”. I’m having a hard time dividing the line where, looking back, I really notice mistakes I did, and when instead I’m just blaming myself for something I didn’t do, just to, in a certain way, accomodate the other person, and make things ok. I wish I didn’t feel the need to be ok with everyone.
True Colors
Posted by stephwithph on May 26, 2012
http://stephwithph.wordpress.com/2012/05/26/true-colors/
Memories
Sometimes a simple anniversary, a date on the calendar, can open an unstoppable flood of memories. Today is the day where I miss sleepless nights on the phone, talking with my best friend about life, love, death, dreams. I miss planes in the middle of the night, for a 24 hrs trip, and then way back. Days and nights spent on a sidewalk, waiting for “the moment”. Hours, and hours and hours in front a computer, letting my emotions and feeling become a story for mine, and so many other hearts. The heartbeat of seeing for a second your scruffy hair, the strenght of your handshake, the depth of your eyes. The tears that only you could make me pour. I was so naive, and full of love, and full of dreams. I was at my worst, and still, I feel right now like I was at my best. Of everything I have in my past, that’s the only period I don’t regret, not even for a second. I wanna try to be that person again. I wanna write, I wanna love, I wanna laugh, I wanna dream like that person.
Today is the day where I miss YOU.
Posted by stephwithph on April 9, 2012
http://stephwithph.wordpress.com/2012/04/09/memories/
We
“We are the girls with anxiety disorders, filled appointment books, five-year plans. We take ourselves very, very seriously. We are the peacemakers, the do-gooders, the givers, the savers. We are on time, overly prepared, well read, and witty, intellectually curious, always moving… We pride ourselves on getting as little sleep as possible and thrive on self-deprivation. We drink coffee, a lot of it. We are on birth control, Prozac, and multivitamins… We are relentless, judgmental with ourselves, and forgiving to others. We never want to be as passive-aggressive are our mothers, never want to marry men as uninspired as our fathers… We are the daughters of the feminists who said, “You can be anything,” and we heard, “You have to be everything.” – Courtney Martin
Posted by stephwithph on April 6, 2012
http://stephwithph.wordpress.com/2012/04/06/93/
Desiderata
Go placidly amidst the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
Posted by stephwithph on March 5, 2012
http://stephwithph.wordpress.com/2012/03/05/desiderata/
Love is a dog from Hell
“I’ve never been lonely. I’ve been in a room — I’ve felt suicidal. I’ve been depressed. I’ve felt awful — awful beyond all — but I never felt that one other person could enter that room and cure what was bothering me…or that any number of people could enter that room. In other words, loneliness is something I’ve never been bothered with because I’ve always had this terrible itch for solitude. It’s being at a party, or at a stadium full of people cheering for something, that I might feel loneliness. I’ll quote Ibsen, “The strongest men are the most alone.” I’ve never thought, “Well, some beautiful blonde will come in here and give me a fuck-job, rub my balls, and I’ll feel good.” No, that won’t help. You know the typical crowd, “Wow, it’s Friday night, what are you going to do? Just sit there?” Well, yeah. Because there’s nothing out there. It’s stupidity. Stupid people mingling with stupid people. Let them stupidify themselves. I’ve never been bothered with the need to rush out into the night. I hid in bars, because I didn’t want to hide in factories. That’s all. Sorry for all the millions, but I’ve never been lonely. I like myself. I’m the best form of entertainment I have. Let’s drink more wine!”
― Charles Bukowski
Posted by stephwithph on February 17, 2012
http://stephwithph.wordpress.com/2012/02/17/love-is-a-dog-from-hell/
